i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
