my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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