He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
