I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
