why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
