mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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