I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
