you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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