I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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