I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
