Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
PANTIES FOUND
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