Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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