Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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