I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Xanax blowdarts
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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