had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
