They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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