He had one of those small greek statue penises
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How naked do you want me to be?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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