I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize