D3 body, D1 cock
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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