If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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