Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
