Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
