nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
