I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
