He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I would fuck him just for his dog
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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