She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
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when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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