PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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