i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
