Is it because I queefed?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
