I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
