my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If I die, sorry about rent.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wear drunk well.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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