we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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