dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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