Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
