i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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