I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
