I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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