we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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