I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
