oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
