please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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