Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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