C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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