Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize