also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
