we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
