Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
