I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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