If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize