It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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