I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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