Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
