The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
