So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
