I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
