True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
