if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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