get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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