i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
