i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize