Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
