Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i think i just lost a toe
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
