So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
