It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
