she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
