did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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