If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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